Brooklyn

Though everyone says it, I'll join the lame mom ranks and say I cannot believe my baby is turning 2! Two short weeks away and she'll be a little girl!

Brooklyn and I are buddies. Sometimes its a love/hate relationship and I'm counting down the minutes until Roger gets home to help out, but most days I love hanging out with her. She has so much sass! And that big smile of hers (with all of her funky teeth coming in)....ya can't help but smile back at her huh?

I'm thrilled to have another baby joining the chaos at our house, but part of me knows I'll look back on this time and miss it. Its so easy just me and her. So much fun. And so easy to focus completely on her. Brooklyn needs a playmate to help with her creativity and imagination - we all know mom can only do so much, but then another kid needs to be around to 'play'. Brooklyn loves me, but she adores other kids! I'm excited to watch her learn to love another sibling.

For the record, again, I still think its a girl. Despite how hopeful Roger is that its a boy because of how sick I was, my gut tells me girl. I was right with Brooklyn, lets see if my gut is right this time....hopefully we'll know in the next month!

Here we are at (almost) 14 weeks....

Its fun to watch your body naturally do this again. I was surprised at how quickly I showed this go around, but maybe I just used it as an excuse not to suck my gut in! Haha!

I have more pictures to post of our latest fun, plus we have another trip coming up, but the blog hasn't been priority lately. The nice weather, on the other hand, has! Roger's mom got some rough news the last couple weeks as well, so we've been focusing on that for awhile. I'll post another day on that subject as soon as we know more.

That'll do it for another few weeks! :)

The Blob

Meet the blob...aka Baby Gardner!

We got our second peek at our little one last Tuesday. We are officially due Sept 25th.

What a FUN thing to experience - I could see an ultrasound of this baby everyday if they would let me!

We don't know anything for sure as far as a gameplan, except that we will most defenitely start progesterone shots around week 18. We'll see the high risk doctors that week as well to pick their brain for anything else they may want to do with us.

How am I feeling at this point? So sick. Oh my heavens. The pregnancy glow they talk about.....that would be the sweat on my face after puking. They also don't mention the mascara that is halfway down my face as well, along with the tears I cry everytime I throw up. I'm a total cryer when I puke.

But I'm grateful to be sick, it's reassuring. And yes, we are still pregnant....11 weeks on Tuesday!

I am for sure showing, though a stranger would just think I'm thicker around the gut area. I'm craving the same things (pizza and pickles) when I actually feel good enough to want to eat. The one difference is how much sicker I am this round. It has rocked my world. I am absolutely zero fun right now. My poor husband and daughter. I'm useless.

So there is the update on us. We are so thrilled to be welcoming another little person into our family! I'll take pictures once I get around to looking presentable...I barely manage to shower and look decent enough to go outside everyday. And ignore my hair and Brooklyn's...mine has been lain on all day, and Brookyn is lucky to be clean and dressed in matching clothes with the zero motivation I've had lately! :)

An ER Visit

It has been an interesting 24 hours. We spent last night in Riverton's ER hoping and praying we weren't losing the baby.

I had awful awful awful low stomach pains last night. They came and went every ten minutes or so and radiated to my lower back. I was literally on my knees in tears it hurt so bad. For those who don't know me, I have a really high pain tolerance. It takes A LOT to make me cry. But after 3 hours of dealing with the pain I couldn't handle it anymore. So we called our home teacher of all people (I was so distracted by the pain I didn't realize that is who Roger called first...thanks a million Brian for watching Brooklyn until my mom and dad could get there!)

Fortunately, the baby looked great. My levels were sky high and there was a fast little heartbeat on the ultrasound. What an dramatic and expensive way to get our first look at the peanut! But the mystery was why I was hurting so much. The doctor was stumped. Nothing pointed to appendicitis, my gallbladder, digestive issues, or an ectopic pregnancy. In all honesty they didn't check anything but some blood and urine, plus the ultrasound of the baby....I admit I was slightly disappointed in the care. They were super fast and nice, but couldn't tell me what my problem was. I hate to waste an ER copay for no answers. I guess that's the nurse coming out in me huh?

My pains eased up by 2:00am (we were already back home at this point), but continued again this morning. Tonight everything has eased into a dull ache that comes and goes.

My OB is reassured by the fact that I'm not bleeding yet. So now it's a big waiting game. Ugh, I have no patience.

Did I have a kidney stone? A ruptured cyst? I'm skeptical it's stretching pains, I'm only nine weeks along. And I've done this before, I remember the stretching part.

But at the end of the day, I'm grateful to still have a living baby in there. I'm sad knowing it could be the beginnings of a miscarriage, but realize that is not up to me. So were crossing our fingers at the Gardner household for our luck to hold out on this little one!

Thoughts

My mind is a whirlwind as I try to swallow the fact that we are really having another baby.

I'm thrilled. I'm terrified. Are we ready to do this again?

The decision to have another baby was not a decision Roger and I took lightly. We knew we wanted to expand our family, but struggled with our past. We struggled with the risk we would be taking in maybe having another premature baby....were we willing to risk another child's future? I feel so selfish, knowing odds are not in our favor that this baby will make it to full term. We've talked to a specialist, we knew the percentages going into it.

But we felt good about this decision. And we got pregnant so fast! What a change from Brooklyn - it took us a solid year to get her. I was mentally prepared for a long wait again. I feel so blessed to even be pregnant. I feel so lucky to sick (most of the time :)) - it's my reassurance that there is still a baby in there.

I took the pregnancy test a few days earlier than I should have. I wasn't late. But I couldn't handle the suspense anymore. Lucky for me my levels were high enough that is showed up positive. I instantly burst into tears. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely take a picture of it.

So what now you ask? Well me too. We don't know yet. We haven't seen our specialist to create a gameplan yet. But my OB has thrown around shots, bedrest, and sewing my cervix shut. So I guess we'll see. I'm prepared for just about anything....I just want to make it to 34 weeks!

Brooklyn will LOVE having a sibling. She loves Beau, imagine a baby in her own house. She gets all high pitched and giggly when she sees any baby, I can't wait to see her reaction to her own sibling! For the record, I think this one is also a girl. So does Roger. I'd love either gender, just make it full term and healthy!

As far as the physical side of things, I'm feeling pretty lousy. I'm definitely sicker this go around, but I'm thinking that may be due to working straight nights and chasing a toddler around all day. I feel like a really really crappy mom and wife right now. I'm useless. I lay on the couch all day feeling the need to puke, but never do. Sometimes I think I'd feel better if I would actually throw up. Hopefully the nausea will subside as quickly as it did with Brooklyn.

So that's about it. We're are absolutely thrilled about having a second baby. Despite our fears, it is such a miracle to watch a baby grow! I love it! Now crossing our fingers for a realistic due date!

Expanding....

We think Brooklyn is so adorable, we thought we'd try to get another baby just like her.......

Gardner Baby #2 is due in September!!!!

Recent Happenings

I really need to post. But there isn't much going on at our house. Plus your blogs are so fun to read. And lets be honest, I'm checking up on that nephew of mine over at Meg's blog everyday (keep up the frequent posting Meg - I'm impatiently waiting for every picture!).

That little dude is giving me anxiety. It's a love hate relationship having another preemie to worry about, another NICU to adjust to, another stressed out time for my sister and her husband. Not to mention the rest of the family enjoying the roller coaster with them. Blah...NICU days seem to really draaaaaaaaaaaaaag. We really could do without seeing a NICU ever again I think.

But Beau is a total stud. Is there any question that he is all boy? He has us wrapped around his finger. Brooklyn is itching to meet him - she isn't allowed in the NICU. We quickly taught her to say "Beau"....hilarious to hear her say his name!

On other updates, we did actually have a fantastic Christmas until Meg decided to go into labor that night. Both families were so generous it makes me feel guilty. Brooklyn enjoyed opening all one gift, then left the rest up to mom and dad to open for her. She was busy being entertained by anyone who would talk to her all day.

(Her hair.... what am I going to do with it?!)

Speaking of this daughter of ours, when did she decide to get all grown up? All of the sudden she's big. And sassy. And finally growing some hair. And definitely figured out the word no. I love her! She's so tall, its funny to watch her next to kids her age. She sorta dwarfs them. Hope she'll appreciate her long genes someday!

(Love those big blues of hers!)

As for Roger and I, not much is new. Roger is working his tail off. I'm feeling lazy and guilty watching him day in and day out. He's so busy that I'm tired just watching him! But he still makes my heart go faster when I see him dressed up everyday. Love him.

Well, that's about it. Now I will happily read all of your blogs and let ours be for another few weeks I'm sure. I'm such a slug. So go do a new post so I have some more reading material!

Beau Scott Bland

This adorable baby has stolen our hearts. I find myself constantly thinking about him. I call Meg everyday, multiple times, to check in on him. I can't get enough of just looking at him. What a miracle.

Roger and I met this angel the day after his birth. I thought I was prepared to hold it together. After all, he came out huge compared to Brooklyn. And was doing so so so well! I walked into his little corner room, barely even registering anything else around me. Meg's first words to me in that moment were "he's big huh?". I instantly started to cry. Because, NO, HE'S NOT BIG. He's just tiny. I have no clue where he's hiding that extra poundage, but he is just so little.

I was stunned at how strongly my emotions took over that day. I worry, constantly. I love this little man. Because he's my twin sister's baby! And my nephew.

I am as protective of him as I was of Brooklyn. I watch his NICU nurses and pray they are as kind, gentle and sweet with him as our NICU nurses were. Truly, they will make or break this experience for Meg and Dev. Trust is so incredibly hard to give to someone when they are watching over someone so special to you!

So many people have asked Roger and I if this has been difficult to watch. If it reminds us of our experience last year. I have to answer that with both a yes and a no. Beau is progressing so fast! It's a relief to watch him breathe on his own. No gray spells, no ventilator, no translucent skin. But the stress we felt with our baby rivals the stress I feel for their baby. He may have three weeks on Brooklyn, but he's still 9 weeks early people! Plus, Meg and Dev are in a unique situation....they're not in their own home.

Megan and Devin are rock stars. They have been so strong. But they are dealing with unimagineable stress right now. My chest feels heavy when I think about everything they are trying to handle in their lives. Devin is in medical school, in a different state! They are having to pay two out of network yearly maximums! They're living out of suitcases right now! And most importantly their son is in an ICU. Yes our family has done this exact scenario a lot...but it doesn't get easier each time it happens. The burden just gets passed around.

But at the end of the day we can say with absolute certainty that this little boy is one loved baby! We cheer him on, celebrate each day that passes with no setbacks, and look forward to the day he can go home with his proud mom and dad.

To Beau - we sure do love you little man. Brooklyn is thrilled to have another cousin. We feel lucky to be able to watch your story happen. To watch how much your parents love you. There are angels watching over you...providing the world with another Christmas miracle this year. Counting down the days until you can come home!!