I know it's a week past Mothers Day. But it's a holiday I don't want to skip for more than one reason. I've had lots of thoughts rolling around in my head and knew they deserved a post. So bear with me on this one, it may be long.
Everyone does a tribute to their mom. So will I. But it's also Roger's first without his mom. And it was a sad holiday. Also because her birthday was the day before the holiday.
Brynlee's blessing day - 2 months before Susan passed away. She looks amazing. You'd never know her chest was full of cancer and slowly suffocating her. Also the very first picture we have of Brynlee smiling. Meant to be? I think so.
Motherhood. So much to say about it. Good, bad, funny, frustrating, stressful, fun, .... and the list could go on and on.
For me motherhood feels very chaotic. I choose what I say carefully because I don't want to give the impression that I don't like being a mom. Because I would literally give my life for these kids and all that comes with them!
But life is about 'keeping it real'. And blogs tend to portray a perfect life at times. And we all need reminders that no one has the perfect life. So with smiles, giggles and some tears along the way here are my thoughts/memories of motherhood so far....
- Kids are so so busy. Most morning I do not get to shower alone. Brooklyn usually is in there with me so I can avoid her pushing her sister over or mauling her.
- I get up at 8:30ish, spend the next 3 hours getting all 3 of us ready for the day/making beds/cleaning up the house, just to look at the clock and realize it's 1:00 and time to start the feeding routine again. Oh and I've usually nursed twice by this point.
- Brooklyn puts me in tears at least twice a month from her 'toddlerness'. I've cried over her tendency to push other kids and her rebellious moments multiple times. I do not know what to do with her.
- As my dad calls it, I'm still doing the 'European thing"..aka nursing. I'm pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoy it. I'm sort of sad Brynlee is 8 months this coming week and I'm on a 4 month countdown to being done.
- Brooklyn is officially potty-trained. I can't decide if I need to laugh or cry. Probably both. Seeing her little self on a potty is just so weird. But the poop I cleaned out of her pants tonight at dinner?...not so funny. Guess our success rate isn't quite 100%.
- Some days I have a ball with these girls (like today...we went on a bike ride AND cleaned the bathroom. In my eyes a successful day!). Other days I'm watching the clock for it to be 8:00pm and Brooklyn is asleep for the night. She's hard. Fun and cute, but a handful. I get asked "Mom? Whatcha doin'? at least 50 times a day. (Insert a laugh, a smile, and an eye roll all at once!)
- I work full time. 3 graveyard shifts a week. Let's 'keep it real' for a minute on this one. I work fulltime right now to keep us out of debt while Roger's business gets on its feet. I work nights to avoid daycare. But I sacrifice a LOT of sleep. It has affected my health and my ability to funtion in all areas of my life. This is probably why motherhood feels a little hard for me at times. I am severly sleep deprived. But I won't give up this schedule. Roger and I decided together to make this work for our family. So some days I crash at the end of the day like Brynlee does.......
......and some days I spend time getting pictures where neither girl will cooperate with me.