Sunday, February 24, 2013

February Fun

Last weekend we headed up to Heber with the Firths, the Warnocks and the Dennings....such as blast!  Fun people, amazing lodging, great weather, and awesome food (of course!  Wouldn't be called a vacation without that right?!)  We sledded, cruised around on 4-wheelers, played cards until all hours of the night, swam, and chatted for 3 nights and 3 days.  We're still tired! :)

Ummm, adorable? Also hilarious.

Notice Brooklyn looks thrilled.  She was a bit upset with me for taking her sledding - I may or may not have sprayed her in the face with lots of snow.

Though i'm a bit behind on this one I had to post a picture of Roger's Valentine balloons.  Yes he got me a gift, but the part that gets me is these were for the girls.  How thoughtful is he?  Seriously, I married a gem.  Love him.

The two loves of our lives.  Brynlee is so chunky -- I'm surprised her cheeks don't make her top heavy...they're like weights!  They also have a target on them that say "kiss me!"

At 5 months Brynlee is:

  • Sleeping about 11 hours at night....and puts herself to sleep in her cribYes we were determined to make this a habit after bouncing Brooklyn to sleep for the first year of her life.
  • Gives out smiles like candy
  • LOVES her sister....may I add in that Brooklyn is the only one that can get this girl to laugh.  I'm not kidding.  She jumped off our bathroom scale and Brynlee giggled.  So I did it too, and looked like an idiot when Brynlee only stared at me.  Sisterly love.  Lucky them!
  • Rolling from tummy to back, and so close from back to tummy.
  • Enjoys tummy time (so different from her big sister!)
  • In 6-9 month clothes....that's our big girl!
  • Has blue eyes - but significantly darker than Brooklyn's
  • Doesn't have a widow's peak, but I'm suspicious she'll have Brooklyn's same hair color.  Love it!!
  • Hates to be snuggled.  She wants to face outward all the time so she can enjoy the action of the world around her.
Some blogworthy moments to remember:

--I got asked last month if my girls had different parents.  After closing my mouth from the shock of that kind of question, I proceeded to laugh a good belly laugh about that one.  Yes they are from the same parents for anyone who may question their creation.  So funny.

--Brooklyn has become quite the observant little thing.  Ask me details in person, but we'll just say she won't be coming with me to anymore doctor appts!

--Brooklyn daily tells me that "Grandma Susie pass away", and that she lives with "Fodder" and "Jesus".  Heartbreakingly sweet.  Got it on video.  After I could get a grip on my tears. 

--Brooklyn has a heart of gold.  I was crying over something personal this last week and she proceeded to bawl right along with me.  She had no idea why we were crying, but cried because I was sad.  Sweet girl.

That's life in a nutshell for now!  Trying to do better at posting.  You don't realize how great blogs are until you have the chance to go back down memory lane!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Saying Goodbye

How do you put into words the heartache of such a day?

There is no worse feeling than watching a parent die.  Truly.  I think the day we buried her almost matched the grief of the day she passed away.  We can't decide which day felt worse yet.

Roger's mom is gone.  His MOM.  A mom is always supposed to there.  Always.  My husband is only 31 years old.  He has been robbed so unfairly of time with this sweet woman.

How do I explain how heartbroken I am that my kids will not know their Grandma?  She was an incredible lady.  A perfect woman.  My husband is so so so much her son....he got all of her great attributes.  Our sweet Brynlee was the last grandchild Susan saw born on this earth -- and she will forever carry her name....Brynlee Susan Gardner.  A constant reminder for Roger and I that we will see her again someday.  But someday feels like a lifetime away.

For those that didn't know my Mother-In-Law was diagnosed with teminal lung cancer almost a year ago.  This in itself was unfair - she never smoked a day in her life.  And we found it too late, it had already spread throughout her chest cavity.  It was treatable, but not curable.  She accepted her death sentence with grace, dignity and a peace I've never seen before.  She fought valiantly this past year.  But she suffered.  Probably a lot more than any of us knew.  She was ready to be done with her mission here on Earth.

We got the call about a week after she had a thoracic duct ligation (to treat the fluid build up in her lungs) that she was being readmitted to the hospital for respiratory distress.  That describes it mildly.  The details don't matter now, but my heart hurts when I think of how she looked when we walked into the ER.  She had asked for and was given a release blessing.  With tears and unimagineable heartache her sweet husband granted her this last wish.  Less than 12 hours later she passed peacefully through the veil into heaven...surrounded by every single one of her family members (including the daughter living in New York that we had on facetime) and I'm sure many of her already deceased family members.  Each of us were able to say our goodbyes.

Shock describes how we have felt the last few weeks.  It is not a reality yet, but is quickly starting to feel that way.  We both have gone through the cycle of emotions, but no one but Roger can understand his true grief.  How do you make the hurt go away?  I can only stand back and watch as he suffers the loss of an incredible support system, a constant cheerleader, an example, a confidant, a friend, a mom.  No amount of hugs or I'm sorry's will lessen the burden he now carries.  What a lonely feeling.  Yes he has me, yes he has his family, yes he has his kids.  But he no longer has her.  How grateful we both are for eternal families.

We want to say thank you to the incredible people in our lives who have called, texted, made dinner, dropped by, delivered gifts or flowers, and rallyed around us during what has been the most difficult time of our lives thus far.  Thank you isn't enough, but it will have to do.

Words aren't needed for most of these, but I will describe a few of them along the way.
Waiting in the ICU hallway for the doctors to give us an update.  Susan would have been proud of this picture of her sweet husband and sons.
Sweet Brynlee sleeping through most of the drama that day.  Brynlee was able to tell her Grandma goodbye before she passed on.

Eating at Cheesecake Factory the night before the viewing.  Each couple was given a gift card for Christmas from Gary and Susan.  How sad we were Susan passed before we could arrange this dinner with her there.

A long few days for all....

Roger seeing his mom for the first time.  Pictures don't adequately show how rough this moment was.

The morning sunrise the day we buried Susan.  Such a cold day. 

Susan's last sewing project was these skirts.  Each granddaughter was given one for Christmas.  As a tribute to her they each wore them to the funeral. 

With broken hearts we have said goodbye to an incredible person.  I am honored and humbled to have known Susan.  I look forward to the day we can see her again in heaven.  Until then we will do our best to continue the legacy she started.  

Go Away Inversion

Ready for Summer!!