I'm sitting here tonight in my comfies, feeling the need to sort of vent. I'm just getting home from an awesome relief society activity and am home alone for a couple of hours. Might as well blog right?
Our activity tonight focused on kids - how to discipline them, what sort of activities to do with them, how to teach them, and how to stay organized on top of it all. I kinda felt like a bad mom at the end of the night. It's safe to say I have some pretty awesome ladies in my ward. I could learn a few things from them.
It's overwhelming to stand by Brooklyn's crib tonight, tucking her blanket a little tighter (my house is cold tonight), and think of all Roger and I are responsible to teach her. Especially in the next five years. Such crucial years for little ones. I get anxious thinking of how many ways I could fail her as her mom. I left this activity tonight with lists and lists of things I need to do better now and in the future - even five years from now. But looking at it I realize I'll fail miserably if I try to tackle it all at once.
I'm seeing quite clearly that I am a selfish person. I focus my days around me, not my family.
I think I've needed a refresher on what it really means to be a family. A wife. A mom. A daughter and friend, too. Tonight was a good self evaluation for me. There is SO MUCH I need to do better. I stress just thinking about it. Does anyone else ever feel that way?
Good thing tomorrow is a new day. I need a clean slate. I need to decide what is on my "Essential" list, what is on my "Need to Do" list and what is on my "Want to Do" list. I need to make these two people a better priority and stop being so selfish all the time....
Good thing there is only 24 hours in a day.....because that means the day ends at midnight and you get to start over. :)
I love my life, I am a very lucky girl. I'm married to the BEST man on earth, I have the most perfect daughter (yep, call me biased), I'm employed, and have so many good things in my life - the list could go on and on. I think its time I do a better job with the 'blessings' in my life.
3 comments:
i totally think about this all the time.
i feel like i could do SO much better. being a mama can be such a tricky thing sometime.
sometimes i like to get out of the house and take the boys to the aquarium. if you ever want to meet up there for an hour or so in the afternoon, we'd love to have a little play date!
OH MY GOSH!! Brooklyn is so stinkin' cute! That first picture is killing me!
I think I need your list of things to teach my children... I am sure I have soooooo much, sooooo much to learn!
Working nights pretty much puts us in survival mode for half the week... cut yourself a little slack! ;)
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. All those "SHOULD'S" will cause guilt and stress. You are a great mom; never think anything less! It is good to prioritize and progress, but we also need to stop looking at some "amazing woman" who has it all together; she does not. I know the kind of person you are, and sweet Brooklyn is so blessed to have you for a mother, exactly the way you are!
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