Thoughts

My mind is a whirlwind as I try to swallow the fact that we are really having another baby.

I'm thrilled. I'm terrified. Are we ready to do this again?

The decision to have another baby was not a decision Roger and I took lightly. We knew we wanted to expand our family, but struggled with our past. We struggled with the risk we would be taking in maybe having another premature baby....were we willing to risk another child's future? I feel so selfish, knowing odds are not in our favor that this baby will make it to full term. We've talked to a specialist, we knew the percentages going into it.

But we felt good about this decision. And we got pregnant so fast! What a change from Brooklyn - it took us a solid year to get her. I was mentally prepared for a long wait again. I feel so blessed to even be pregnant. I feel so lucky to sick (most of the time :)) - it's my reassurance that there is still a baby in there.

I took the pregnancy test a few days earlier than I should have. I wasn't late. But I couldn't handle the suspense anymore. Lucky for me my levels were high enough that is showed up positive. I instantly burst into tears. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely take a picture of it.

So what now you ask? Well me too. We don't know yet. We haven't seen our specialist to create a gameplan yet. But my OB has thrown around shots, bedrest, and sewing my cervix shut. So I guess we'll see. I'm prepared for just about anything....I just want to make it to 34 weeks!

Brooklyn will LOVE having a sibling. She loves Beau, imagine a baby in her own house. She gets all high pitched and giggly when she sees any baby, I can't wait to see her reaction to her own sibling! For the record, I think this one is also a girl. So does Roger. I'd love either gender, just make it full term and healthy!

As far as the physical side of things, I'm feeling pretty lousy. I'm definitely sicker this go around, but I'm thinking that may be due to working straight nights and chasing a toddler around all day. I feel like a really really crappy mom and wife right now. I'm useless. I lay on the couch all day feeling the need to puke, but never do. Sometimes I think I'd feel better if I would actually throw up. Hopefully the nausea will subside as quickly as it did with Brooklyn.

So that's about it. We're are absolutely thrilled about having a second baby. Despite our fears, it is such a miracle to watch a baby grow! I love it! Now crossing our fingers for a realistic due date!