Better Late Than Never

Dear Brooklyn,

Today was a special day - your blessing day. We have waited so long to celebrate your birth officially. Today that day finally came.

You have received countless blessing during your short little life. Minutes before you were born your Dad and my anesthesiologist gave me a blessing - blessing you with the strength and will to face the challenges ahead of you. Many tears were shed in that moment, wondering just how long you would get to live for those challenges. Just two days later, Grandpa Gary and Dad blessed you again, this time to grow up to be a healthy, happy girl. They reached through your isolette windows and placed just one finger each on your tiny head (because you were too tiny to fit even one hand). We stood in a semi circle around your bedspace, tears flowing freely. I was literally falling to pieces as I watched you struggle to breathe. That night still, so very much, gives me heart pains when I think about it.

Today your dad took you in his arms to give you yet another blessing - a name and a blessing. You were surrounded by 17 priesthood holders, each loving you as much as we do. What a sight to see, so many broad shouldered men, surrounding a sleeping baby in white. The sacredness and spirit felt was so strong it was almost touchable. I cried a few more tears today, so humbled and grateful for the power of the priesthood. The men that blessed you today hold keys that unlock miracles, you being one such miracle!

We are honored and humbled to be gifted with a miracle child. You give us happiness and joy every single day! We are so very grateful that you chose to fight against the odds to stay with us on earth - we will make it worth the journey for you as best we can!

We Love You!
Love, Mom and Dad

Partytime!

Roger is the big 29 today!!!

It's your birthday?! Yay!

Dad is 29 today!

Excuse her baldness, the family tends to take off her bows as soon as they see her...

Happy birthday Roger! Love you!

(And a happy birthday to Devin today - love that both wives and husbands have the same birthdays...pretty sure heaven chuckled on that one.)

Clocking In

I clocked into work for the first time in 6 weeks last night...

Such a bitterweet moment.

I was equally torn...between the two highlights of my life hanging out at home, and the cute kids I get to care for on my unit. I love what I do, and was excited to see my friends at work again. These reasons made the heartache I felt in leaving my family at home a little easier to swallow.

But I did tear up a bit on my drive in. Couldn't help myself. I cried with the rain, it matched my mood.

Such awful, yet miraculous memories at that place were waiting for me. I had to remind myself to hit the 3rd floor button instead of the 4th floor NICU. Each newborn cry I heard last night tugged at my heartstrings. Each parent I saw cuddling with their child, no matter how big or small, felt like deja vu. I recognized the fatigue I saw in their faces, the concern they felt for their son or daughter, the stress they were trying so well to hide. Little did they know just how close I could relate to their feelings and emotions.

I was also concerned for Roger, crossing my fingers he was getting some decent sleep!

I came home this morning to a wide eyed, smiling baby and a sleepy husband. Love them SO much. I missed them.

Brooklyn didn't do so well in the sleep department - Rog got up three times with her. Poor guy. Hopefully next shift will go better!

And just because she's cute (excuse my bias), some more pics for your enjoyment...

Brooklyn and Nicole, born within a week of each other. We're catching up!

Isn't Nicole adorable? She belongs to my cousin, Joel and his wife, Maranda. Maranda and Roger went to high school together.

But the Book Says.....

I. am. so. tired. I underestimated how much work it is caring for a baby. Kudos to the parents out there with more than one kid.

Brooklyn has some sleep issues. As in she has no pattern whatsoever! Can't predict naps, can't predict nighttime, can't predict her routine yet. Some nights she sleeps for 5 hours, others she's up every 3 hours. And then there are those nights she wakes up at 2:00 and stays awake until 5:00!

Two nights ago was one of those nights. If I wasn't so annoyed, I'd laugh. Okay maybe I did laugh eventually. But I'll admit, I actually cried that night. I can't go back to work this weekend and expect Roger to function at work if she's pulling stunts like that!!

I'll just say it...having a baby is overwhelming and consumes your life. Would I change it? Never.

At 3:00am, I cuddled with her. Tucked her on my chest and under my chin. I adore this baby, so much more than I thought I would. Yes, sometimes I feel like she is out to ruin my life (or sleep life at least). I can't get anything done. Some days I feel like a total failure at this. Am I normal? Sure hope so!

But she is our miracle, our little gift sent straight from heaven to teach us what is important. I'll deal with her random sleeping for as long as it takes. But someone tell me if my clothes don't match in case I was too tired to notice. Or remind me to brush my hair after lying on the couch with her.

What she looked like at 4:00am...after being awake for 2 hours!

The time I finally got back into bed.

Oh yes. She slept from ten until three. Who wants to party with me?!

And other fun....Cara came to visit and brought the Arizona sun and fun with her!! Her cute Grace was just two months old and tiny when I last saw her in March. So glad you came to visit Cara!

I've also figured out a system so I can actually be somewhat useful at home. Brooklyn is a bit high maintenance. As in, she has to be held if she's awake. Is this our fault? Definitely. Everytime we visited her in the NICU we held her for hours. Well, okay maybe just me. And I literally held her all day.

Well now she seems to think this should always be the pattern. So I put her in a little front pack this week and off we went. I even vacuumed and she slept through the whole thing!

But I still may have climbed back into bed with her this morning to get more sleep! Yes I'm a slug. :)

Summer Fun

We've been having fun these days.

Walking around downtown........

Letting mom play dress up with me. (Love having a girl!)

And visiting the pool....

And of course, sleeping during the day instead of during the night. Did I mention Brooklyn woke up at 2:45 and didn't go back down until 6:00?!!! I'm at a total loss as to what I do with this girl!

Wanted to cry, but took one look at myself in the mirror and burst out laughing. Then proceeded to send this picture to Roger, and my whole family. Gotta document the good times!

No, that is not throw-up. It's vitamins. I might have pushed down on the syringe too hard and proceeded to spray it everywhere. Thought I had wiped it off my face, but looked in the mirror to assess the damage and couldn't help myself. Out came the camera! You'll notice it's smeared on my chin and neck. And I've walked around all day today with it in my hair. Mom told me I stink. :)

But at least I didn't get it all over this cute outfit! Isn't my little sailor adorable?!

Full Circle

Meet Owen, Brooklyn and Olivia!!!

We were due for another Beta dinner group awhile ago, but we've been a little busy!

All three of us may have been late, we're still figuring out how long it takes to get out the door with all of our stuff....sorry to make you wait Kristin!

Gina, Me and Trish...(all had our babies within months of each other - I screwed up the original spacing of six weeks of each other!)

Eating at our original meeting spot back in the good old Beta days - Noodles & Co on 4th South downtown!

Oh how I love my Beta friends! We're obviously missing a few people - next dinner group in Arizona or Pennsylvania??! :)

For Meg, who wanted some pics of the baby......

All recovered from our trip to the hospital! And she's nine pounds! I think Dr. Duffy was a little taken back when he saw her double chin, even after throwing up all weekend. Love it.

Still all smiles when she's falling asleep. Notice the lovely scratch on her cheek? I swear I clip her nails every few days!

Home Again

We are home from the hospital. Can't believe we were there again. We laughed as we made the all too familiar drive back up to Primary's. You either laugh or cry. And I was fairly certain I'd be crying by the end of the night.

The ordeal started Saturday. She had been super fussy and whimpered all day. We thought she was constipated - gave her a suppository and it worked. She took a full bottle and took a nap. But her heart monitor was beeping high heartrate. ??? Normally she beeps low heartrate. A quick check and we realized she was on fire ... her temp was 39.2! Tylenol helped, but then she started vomiting everything she ate. A phone call to her pediatrician put us on the road to Primary's.

She looks glossy-eyed and fevered on the way. She was lethargic at this point.

The ER brought another sepsis work-up...blood and urine cultures, and another spinal tap. Yep, she bawled. So did I. I might have had some very angry prayers in those hours. Ya, not my best moments, but they tortured her that night. I have never felt so helpless, we couldn't do a single thing to make it easier for her.

"You have to do what to me?!" Doesn't this face say it all...

We were admitted to a room by 1:00am. IV antiobiotics were started to treat a presumed kidney infection. Today her urine cultures confirmed that diagnosis. The kidney reflux became a problem sooner than we anticipated!

Am I better yet mom and dad? Being in the hopsital is no fun!

I could have kissed her doctor this morning when they told us we could go home. The infant unit was great, but you get absolutely no sleep with a newborn between her feeding schedule and the hospital staff's routine. I have so much more empathy for my patients and their families!!

Really?! We get to go home? Yay!!

Now we're home and so grateful to be there. I'm covered in throw-up, poop (lovely diarrhea from the antibiotics she's on) and desperately need both a nap and a shower. So does she. She's super cuddly, won't let us put her down for more than thirty minutes. Oh the joys of a baby that doesn't feel well.

Anyone else tired from reading all of that?