A Month Old

It's hard to believe she's been in the hospital for an entire month. Two more to go! (Hopefully)

Not sure if you can even tell, but look how much she's starting to fill out. She is 2lbs. 13oz. as of yesterday! Yahoo!

This is definitely not her most flattering picture, but it does a good job of showing off her double chin and her chubby cheeks. Doesn't she look like a puppy dog? :)

Roger's hand vs. Brooklyn' s foot....she's going to be a tall girl - look at the length on that foot!

This picture kills me. The moments where my husband cries breaks my already broken heart into smaller pieces. He still has yet to hold her - makes me feel so bad. Each time we get up there at night she is tucking in for the night and he doesn't want to interrupt her sleep. Plus the little boy next to us had a rough day and was semi "crashing" when we showed up last night. That scene is so difficult to watch as a nurse, but even worse for Roger who has no medical background. He wished so badly he could have given him a blessing, but there are no parents for the little guy, so we weren't able to offer one.

Again, life isn't fair for the innocent ones. Makes me grateful for how well our baby is doing.

Small Armpits and A Cute Sixth Toe

This is what some of Brooklyn's visitors said about her Sunday night. Haha, love what boys have to say about her! For your info, she doesn't have a sixth toe - but she does have small armpits! :)

Saturday night Roger and I cheered on our Utah Jazz...too bad they lost at the last second! It was still a party! My ears were ringing all night - the crowd definitely lived up to the "loudest arena in the NBA" status. Holy cow.

Thanks Mom and Dad for the tickets, so fun to hang out with you guys that night. Too bad we couldn't see Kobe up close and personal. On second thought, maybe it was better our seats were higher so Roger couldn't attack him, huh? :)

Yes I look drunk. Promise I wasn't. But the ladies in front of us might have been.

Afterwards we headed up to the hospital so Roger could hold the baby for the first time. When we got there, she proceeded to fall sound asleep with Roger's hands on her head. She looked so peaceful that we couldn't bear to wake her up so he could hold her. Bummer.

Sweet dreams......

All tucked in for the night.....

And here's Brooklyn wishing all of the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day!!

To my mom: Where would I be today without you? Words don't express how a daughter feels on a day like today. Thanks for helping me figure out what it means to be a mom myself and for being the example I want to follow. Love you!

To Susan: Thank you for raising Roger to be the type of man he is...I am eternally grateful. He is who he is because of you. How lucky am I to have gotten you for my mother-in-law. Thank you for being my second mom. Love you!

And lastly, today's pictures....our first try at "skin to skin".

Wow, what a feeling. How do I explain what a tiny thing she is? What a peanut. I'll admit, this was amazing and awful at the same time. I loved that they put her on my chest - she tucked her feet up under her bum - and fell asleep within minutes. I literally held her bum and both feet in the palm of my hand.

It was awful because I watched the monitor for the first 30 minutes stressing she would hold her breath. And, of course, she did. But we made it 45 minutes without any drops in oxygen and heartrate. It may take some convincing to try this again while she's still on the vent. I may be a nurse, but that logic goes right out the window when it's your baby that dropped her sats to 46% and her breathing tube is still pinned to your gown. I swear, I'm going to take years off my life from watching her do that!

But don't worry, this is how I left her. Another classic sleep position. :)

And for those that have ever wondered how she is weighed each night, this video is for you. Sorry its a full minute, but you'll see Emma (her nurse) and I scramble to get her hand off her breathing tube - we don't want that being pulled out by this munchkin's little hands!

Happy Early Mothers Day To Me!

Right after that post yesterday I headed up to the hospital.

This is how we started out...

Which turned into this....

Then this....

And finally ended with this!........

Yep, I think I feel better. We have officially been approved for "once a day hold sessions". Roger's turn today! :)

Selfish

Considering I just posted that I was doing an attitude adjustment, this is going to totally put me in the wrong direction. I recognize there are women in this world- many who are my family, friends and neighbors-that can't have kids or who have struggled with miscarriages or worse. My heart aches for each one of them. But I'm upset today. So can I sound like a totally selfish brat for a minute and vent?

The baby next to ours was taken off the ventilator yesterday and her mom got to hold her. The rest of the babies in our room just have to make a little peep and they get held instantly. But not my daughter. We're weeks away from being able to hold her. We barely get to touch her for fear of making her hold her breath. I'm sick and tired of this. I want to feel like a real mom. I'm tired of getting up in the middle of the night to say hello to my pump. I'm tired of avoiding the dumb pothole on Foothill's onramp to the freeway as I make the daily (sometimes two times a day) trip up to Primary's. I'm tired of the hour and a half roundtrip distance just to sit and watch my daughter sleep. I'm tired of crying every night we have to leave her in the care of someone else - it's supposed to be our job! I'm just tired.

Okay, I'm feeling better.

So now I get to feel guilty for a minute because I'm being selfish and ungrateful. We are still amazed by the kindness people have showed us. For example, my cute visiting teachers haven't given up on getting ahold of me and finally were able to visit me this morning. Thanks Carrie and Mary. You're the best. A new friend in my ward came over, introduced herself, and proceeded to stock our freezer with meals. I was stunned. And so grateful. We have a line of people visit Brooklyn everyday - thank you to each of you. Thank you to those that have silently cheered her on, or prayed for her (and us), for putting our names on the prayer role at the temple, for calling or texting (so sorry if I forgot to respond, I'm losing it these days), for commenting on our blog, for just being there. The list goes on and on.

So here is another huge thank you to all of you that are "family" in any definition of the word. We appreciate you.

As for the baby, no big changes yet. Just trying to get her to gain weight - we finally surpassed her birthweight last night! Finally!

Wide awake - for forty five minutes! That's a first and it hasn't happened since.

If you look closely, she has curly hair in the back. Promise its not greasy, its just getting long.

For Meg and Dev. This was Wednesday.

Three Weeks Old

She's three weeks old today. Wow. Time flies...sort of.

Roger got to help weigh her last night, which means it was his first time holding her. She decided to pull one of her classic stretches right when he lifted her - see the second picture for her fabulous stretch...both arms, both legs. Love it.

For the Rigtrup Family....

We've had requests to see the life flight videos. I'll admit, the first two times I watched these were in my own hospital room. I cried, hard. In all honesty this footage reminded me of a funeral. I couldn't watch these again for a couple weeks. Now I watch these in awe. There is a reverence and sacredness in these videos that I didn't recognize the first time. The life flight team were our saving grace that night. It was 2:30am and we were living a true nightmare while everyone around us was sleeping...yet these ladies gave us assurance that everything would turn out alright.

To Andrea and Audri, our two Life Flight nurses - thank you for making this such a special night for us!

Status Quo

Status quo days are good days. Brooklyn has had no major changes. They've left her on the vent witht the hope that her eyes will not be affected. We feel peaceful about this decision. The risks of taking her off far outweigh the risks of leaving her on it. They've also started feeding her again as of yesterday afternoon, which means we have a happy girl again.

The rest of the post will just be pics, because those are funner anyway, right? :)

She always manages to break free of her "nest" and ends up in hilarious sleeping positions.

You can't help but laugh at this one. Look at that thumb. Classic.

An attempt to show you just how tiny she is. The isolette has a glare when you're too far away, so this will have to do for now.

Love moments like this...I feel like a real mom when she's awake.

One of our "primary" nurses, Rhandhi. Love love love this girl. As soon as I can get pics of our other three primary nurses I will post those as well.

A video with her eyes open again for those that like real life footage.

Its Official.

She's cute. And she looks like a girl today. :)

(She was wide awake, enjoying the scenery when we showed up tonight.)

(Yes I'm a bad mom for posting a picture of her crying, but isn't this face adorable? Had to get a picture of her crying eventually. One of those moments you wish you could hold her.)

Progress report:

• As you can see she's back on the vent - such a good decision! Her coloring is soooo much better, and she is much less labored in her breathing.
• We're tentatively restarting feeds tomorrow morning
• As an fyi - she may be back off the vent by tomorrow. It's complicated to explain, we'll just say that her oxygen levels are too high for her prematurity level. At the risk of causing retinopathy (which could lead to blindness), she may be taken back of the vent by the morning. We're waiting for the phone call. Sometimes we hate to see Primary's number on the caller ID.
• Overall? A good day. We're happy. :)