A Long One

This will be a long one. I'm catching up for a week's worth of progress. Work prevents me from updating as often as I should. Brooklyn has taken some big steps this week.

• Finally taking a bottle, every other feed for now. If she's awake, she downs it all. If she's even a tiny bit sleepy, its a no go.
• She's packing on the pounds. Well grams to be exact. Yesterday she weighed 4lbs. 11 oz. She's gonna break the scale one of these days. :)
• Finally discussing home. Her due date is in 3 1/2 weeks - crazy that she's been in the hospital so long. They stopped a medication Thursday night...she has to be off this for two weeks before coming home....plus no breath holding for seven days. Here's hoping she'll be home by my birthday (July 1st)!

As we get closer to bringing her home, my heart has been full, my head spinning with the miracles we've seen in the last eight weeks. Trials are not fun, you would never ask for one. Yet I can say with a heart full of gratitude that we are thankful, not for the trial itself, but for the experience. This has been a roller coaster of emotions...

Fear, Sadness, Anger, Frustration, Discouraged, Bitterness, Despair, Hopelessness, Helplessness.

Yet, I can list many more positive emotions...

Joy, Relief, Hope, Utter Happiness, Humbleness, Gratitude, Blessed, Peaceful, Content, Lucky, Optimistic.

Trials will either make or break your marriage. Roger has been absolutely awesome during this, it has bonded us in a way I never thought possible. We have cried more in the last eight weeks than ever before. We have prayed together with more faith and hope than ever before. Trials bring out your worst side, yet Roger has loved me despite my weaknesses.

Trials also show you your strengths and weaknesses. I'm realizing I'm not good at being the parent of a patient. I'm not cut out for this kind of stuff. The smallest steps in the wrong direction put me in tears. I'm a "suffer in silence" kind of person. I struggle asking for help. So getting on my knees each morning and night, asking my Heavenly Father for help and blessings was difficult for me. I hated to be burdensome. Yet, during those times when I felt I was breaking into pieces, knowing I couldn't do it on my own, struggling watching our sweetheart suffer - he gave me peace. And answers. And the help and blessings we desperately wanted. It has been so very humbling to put our faith to the test. To see if we could do this and come out in one piece.

Roger. My stud of a husband. I have watched him go from a rough tough boy, to a strong, loving, committed, rock solid man. And dad. It melts my heart to see this tough guy fuss over his daughter. He fidgets over her, tucks her in, tells her he loves her, smiles when she makes the simplest sounds. It's so odd to feel responsible for such a little person. Most days I still feel 12. I'll be 26 in three weeks.

Our journey is not over. She is still in the hospital, still in ICU status. She's come so far, but could so easily face some challenges before she gets home. I hope, so much, that she continues to progress as quickly as she has since she was born. I'm stunned that she's never had a "crash" day. Maybe its because the Lord knows I couldn't handle a terrible day. So with a heart of full of thanks, we are counting down the days until she can come home with us!